Friday, October 24, 2008

World Food Month


You know what's the other name for October?  

It's World Food Month according to the UN.  'Course, the month will not be complete without my mentioning it.  So in memory of the millions suffering from famine, the peasants who have barely enough food to eat while their masters dine in caviar chased by Monsieur Perignon, I commemorate the month in their honor, along with this legendary pic from one of the lamented members of the Bang-Bang Club, Kevin Carter.  It's a heartbreaking picture of a famine-stricken Sudanese toddler crawling her way to the UN Feeding Center while a vulture waits in the background.  The picture had bothered the beejesus out of my seven-year-old niece who was bugged by the fact that a child that young might actually die because of sheer lack of food.

So the next time you dismiss sweet spaghetti as a mere "bastardization" of past-uh, the next time you start tapping your gag reflex just so you could fit into your size 2 5o1s, the next time you order a second helping in a eat-all-you-can buffet (and throw the rest  to waste anyway), think of the child who has neither of those luxuries.   

In honor of the penniless, foodless people all over the world, this is for you.  

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

MassKara Chronicles: The MassKara Queen Spectacle

“Aargh!” “Eurgh!” “Aaaaaaaaahhhh!”
Common reactions from the  House of Horrors, starring decapitated heads and faux human entrails that look suspiciously like last night’s chicken dinuguan.
“Aargh!” “Eurgh!” “Aaaaaaaaahhhh!”
Common reactions at SM mall during the press presentation of the MassKara Queen candidates for the year starring… well, I don’t want to sound sexist but I don’t want to lie either. Let the reactions talk.
Anyhooo… I was one of those invited for the press presentation. There was one girl who keeps on waving her arm as if presenting an Inno Sotto gown, except with the frequent way that she did it, you might think there’s a huge boil growing on her underarm (there was none, thank God). I slipped in and out of a coma throughout the presentation, just coming to long enough for me to vote for the girl who I thought has “It”. Jan Maricris Vega, a La Sallian student, won as Darling of the Press. She was also Best in Question in Answer. She wasn’t particularly witty; her answer would get lost in a sea of witty bon mots from past pageants (“High tide or low tide?”), but she was the only one who managed to answer the question without mangling the English language. At the end of the show, though, I sort of wanted to take back the vote after the girl’s rather noisy fans started screaming like idiots. Minus points for bringing imbeciles to the show… the morons don’t know how to behave in public. My over-excited pitbull, currently diagnosed with ADHD, displayed more decorum. 
And on with the show… Nothing remarkable happened, really. No Melanie Marquez-ish “long-legged legs” to speak of, nobody wants to join the education department just so she could save the diminishing tarsiers.  
The girl just paraded with their flight attendant smiles. One of the girls even tried to affect an American accent (why?), and the host referred to judge Chrysee Semillano as “Creasy” (like the Denzel Washington character in Man on Fire. Okay, now repeat after me: Cry-see. Now say that 10 times over so you won’t forget.) 
Highlight of the event: A performance from an artist who wore nothing but thin boxer shorts. A couple of things made a surprise appearance as he kept on crossing and uncrossing his legs. And I’m not saying what. Let’s just say I’ve had bad dreams for three nights now, my dreams always featuring giant b- spheres chasing after me. (EEEEEEEEKKKK!) 
And now a compendium of knee-slappers from the previous pageants that I covered (with my bitchy remarks in italics afterwards):

Q: What makes you proud of Bacolod?
A: I am proud of Bacolod because it has a lot of beautiful natural resources. (What are you referring to, darling? The yellowish beaches of Punta Taytay or the murky Magsungay River?)

Q: What do you intend to do after this?
A: After this, I would like to live a simple lifestyle and be a fashion model at the same time. (Honey, you want a simple lifestyle? Ditch your modeling dreams, don a saffron toga and join the Dalai Lama in Tibet.)

 Q: What do you do during spare time?
 A: I go to a silent place in myself and do some soul-searching. (How… um… transcendental.)
 
Q: What do you think is your best asset?
 A: My legs, because the color of my legs is fair. (Huh?)

 Q: Which would you rather have, happiness or gratification?
 A: Gratification.
 Q: (Taken aback.) Why? What is gratification for you?
 A: Gratification is… gratitude. (Is that it? *Stalks away to look into the dictionary*)

Q: What is your favorite among your five senses and why?
A: My sense of sight, because they make me see the beauty of the world and of God’s gentle creatures. (Where have you been, honey? Have you just emerged from your self-exile in Avalon or something?)

And of course, this gem from the recent batch of candidates.

Q: Why did you join the contest?
A: SO that I can gain friends and boost my confidence. (Yeah… being paraded in front of an audience on the look-out for an unsightly peklat must do wonders for your ego.)

It’s too early to tell who would really win. Not when, as a friend puts it, “there ain’t no beauty in this pageant”. I disagree. One or two girls look half-way decent.  As for the rest… well… nothing to say except one of them resembles a refugee from a starvation camp (eat up, girl!).
Guess we will just have to wait come pageant night, huh? Then we can see which really deserves the crown, and which one would let us hope we are spared of the farce unraveling before our eyes.

Jump the Shark Special: Iron Chef America


Saw re-runs of the Iron Chef America the other night. My eyeballs were hurting from rolling too much at the sight of Marc Dacascos’ Chairman trying to out-camp his “uncle” (“And the secret ingredient is… *whish-whish* ONIONS!” I was half-expecting fires to come out of his nostrils, but no such luck.)  
But nothing inspires me more than Bobby Flay. He’s the George Bush of cooking. He has proven that a guy that can’t cook could be an Iron Chef. Way to go, Bobby!

Friday, October 3, 2008

The MassKara Chronicles: Travesty of the First Order


Talk about a travesty.  
Look, aren’t festivals supposed to be celebrations of something good? The pagans in pre-Christian times at least know how to celebrate these things. They celebrated when the harvest was good. When a new leader was born. When the chief screwed one of his daughters.
Whatever.
At least, there was a valid cause for celebration.
And now the MassKara Festival. It was first celebrated because MV Don Juan sank, bringing along with it an important figures of Negros, including a scion of a political family in Bacolod. I would like to think that the people celebrated because the city is one member short of a tyrant, but heck no. That would be purely delusional. Instead, the leaders grieved because of the loss. And all these at the time that the sugar industry was also going the way of MV Don Juan.  
That was a double whammy for the elite in Negros. One of them died, and the industry that paid for their mansions, luxury cars and Chanels was in deep sh*t. So what to do?  
Why celebrate! Give masks to the people! Smiling masks! To hide the grief!
Don’t know about you, but when my pockets are empty, and somebody I love just died, I don’t pop out the champagne (or the Coca-Cola – hehe). I would find the means to work harder, mourn the dead, and bury them. (And when you come to think of it, what if Mr Scion survived? What if only the common tao were killed in the tragedy? I don’t think we would even have the MassKara festival. Nobody grieves for the nobodies except their fellow nobodies).
That’s why, come October, I really don’t feel the need to celebrate along with the rest of the city. How can I, when I remember what the festival was all about?  
As I said, a travesty.

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Namets!: A Taste of Negros


Negros is a diabetic’s nightmare.
Whoever invented the piaya, the pinasugbo and the Napoleones must have been trying to exact revenge against diabetic bully, hoping that in a roundabout way, the bully could be done in by hyperglycemic shock.
And it’s not just the desserts that have earned their reps for being killers. There’s our cansi and the chicken inasal. Both not complete without a generous of layer of grease.
Negrenses, after all, like their food two ways: sweet or greasy. Or both.
Either be a diabetic, or have high blood pressure. Or both.
The Negrenses’ love for food is the stuff of legends.
It ain’t exactly surprising then, that somebody had thought of making a movie about food IN Negros. And who can do it better than somebody who has a feel of the province, a true-blue, proud as heck Negrense, Jay Abello?
Yup, he’s the same guy who brought us Ligaw Liham and who is now slowly but surely creating buzz because of his new film, Namets!, a finalist to this year’s Cinemalaya Festival. Namets! (yes, that’s with an exclamation point) is written by fellow Negrense Vince Groyon, he of The Sky over Dimas Fame, himself an astute observer of the quirks of the elite in Negros.
Namets!, for the uninitiated, stars Christian Vasquez as Jacko and Angel Jacob as Cassie, two not-exactly-star-crossed lovers. Just a couple of chefs who share the same passion for cooking. Somewhere between the lumpia ubod and the cansi is love waiting to happen.
Abello, in an interview with IT Magazine, said the title Namets! was coined by Groyon himself.
“[E]veryone loved it,” he recalls, seeing that the word has a rather naughty ring to it. It works marketing-wise, Abello says, and it helped that it roused the curiosity of non-Hiligaynon speakers.
People who have seen the movie swore the food was the big star in the movie. Worth watching, they said, was the chemistry of its two lead stars. It’s a love story. With food. And Abello has no pretensions about his intentions when he shot the film. No Gallaga-ish dissection of the elite in Negros society. No Freudian analysis of the peasant struggle.
It’s a straightforward love story. Period.
In fact, Abello pretty much sums it up: “A no angst, nothing to say movie -- a popcorn-date-movie.”
The director points out that, after Ligaw Liham, people had been asking him why he hadn’t done a movie in the Hiligaynon language. The movie was his sort of answer to those pesky questions.
“I wanted my second movie to be in our dialect… And I wanted to do something commercial,” he said. Fusing food into the plotline seems like “a no-brainer”, given the way Negros takes pride in its food.
And it definitely helped that he worked with Negrenses, especially Vasquez and the MAN himself, Peque Gallaga.
Abello describes Vasquez as “wonderful and underrated” while he has nothing but praises for Gallaga, calling the director a “master”.
“(Christian) is very hard-working, very disciplined, very passionate about what he does, and very open to direction. Oh, and he really does his homework, he really works on his role. It was so easy to work with him. He gave so much to Namets that I can't even take any credit for his work on Namets,” he said. As for Gallaga, whom he fondly calls Direk Peque, Abello describes a “tedious” preparation the likes of Tom Hanks usually puts in his roles (remember the gauntness in Philadelphia? The ridiculous mullet in the Da Vinci Code?).
Gallaga, he says, “…studied his role to the point that it was his idea to cut his hair, and shave his mustache -- and give a totally new look to his role. And that takes a lot of commitment.”
What Abello appreciates most was the very non-intrusive way that the legendary director carries himself on the set.
Gallaga had been “very collaborative and very respectful. He doesn't go to the set as a director or teacher, he really respects the people in charge and he's there as an actor and collaborator. It's amazing.”
No J.Lo ego there. No prima donnas on the set. Which is a good thing, Abello says, because it made his work a whole lot easier.
GOING MAINSTREAM
Meanwhile, Abello is keeping himself busy directing a show for TV5.
“That is as mainstream as I can get,” he said. He keeps an open mind about going mainstream, although as he says, “there are no offers yet.”
Still, Abello maintains he has a soft spot for indie filmmaking. There is, after all, something liberating about not having to kowtow to studio’s wishes about how an effing movie has to end. How many mainstream films have been emasculated just so it would fit the commercial formula?
The director rightly observes that in the indie circuit, stories that are deemed too “uncommercial” by big studios are tackled by indie filmmakers.
“I think that the fact that indie films are not being dictated so much by formula or the pressure to earn back the producers investment, makes for a purer environment on the set of making a feature film where all the artists are plainly drawn by the art. And so-- the initiative in this arena is far richer and deeper, thus giving the movie a lot of love so-to-speak, which in some weird way gets translated on screen,” he says.
Aye, aye Direk!
Never mind the mainstream project (for now, at least).

Bring out the popcorn. Namets! is rolling by.

* This article will appear on IT Magazine this month.