Okay, let me make things clear. I’m too old a person, too sane, too reasonable to believe that roughly 2000 years ago, an all-powerful deity decided to send His Only Son to save the world and all that jazz. I’m too old a person, too sane, too reasonable to believe in stuff like heraldic angels, donkeys that know their way to the stable, bright stars that act like beacons for lost wandering magi.
But I do celebrate Christmas. Nope, it’s not because I am a handful of brain cells short of being sane (though my brother would definitely argue that THAT’s the thing). It’s just that, it’s sorta nice to strip your cynicism for a year and really, really celebrate with people who matter the most, giving them gifts and at least letting them know they matter. Once a year. Nice. (Hey, come on. Gimme a break. I ain’t a complete Scrooge).
But still, there are really things that test your patience, that make you want to hand out little Darwin trophies so that we would finally be rid of idiots that litter the populace. And so to the countdown of things that nearly ruined my belief that despite the puppets in the Senate and that aberration called mutant called Jok-jok Bolante, there’s still good in the world:
1. That annoying neighbor who makes it a point to share his music. Look, I only take this much amount of Christmas carols before I go into seizures and slit my wrists. And I even have less tolerance for those Mariah Carey bastardizations and those Britney Spears bubblegum ditties. Those things just make me wanna puke my guts out, one organ at a time. But my neighbor? Why he just feels compelled to pop in carols, Mariah Carey and N’Sync CDs and put the volume way up, so that people within the 1-km radius could hear his music. I can stand the guy (couldn’t see him anyway. His house is draped in heavy curtains… couldn’t care less if he spends the day jerking off to WWF posters or lighting candles on a pentagram while sacrificing goats); I just can’t stand the music.
2. Kids who dart in and out of traffic in downtown area for Fear Factor-ish caroling. Um… nothing against the kids, you hear? And never mind the misanthropes who feel that caroling is just a legit form of mendicancy. No, I’m talking about the risks that the children are exposed to just to earn a few pesos per car (hopefully). Tragically, one of them kids met his end, squished beneath the tires of a pick-up truck that was trying to navigate the labyrinthine streets along Central Market. His mother told us the kid was trying to earn a few pesos so that he could have something to buy for his Kris Kringle. The fact that the “future leaders of our nation” are reduced to begging in the streets at Christmastime, no less – well, that just puts a damper to things, huh?
3. Outrageous product placements at the malls. Coke (hyperacidity anyone?), McDonald’s (McFats and McHeartAttacks – not very palatable options, huh?), Jollibee (Still McFats and McHeartAttacks – maybe minus the Mac), Purefoods (jamon de bola drowning in lard - yummy), San Miguel (pickle your liver for free!) and a hundred other MNC products that reek of shameless capitalism.
4. Cheap relatives. Okay, I understand the economic pie is skewed, way skewed and favors those on top. But puh-lease, spare us the opportunity for a one-raised-eyebrow moment (my good friend, The Turk is soooooooooooooo good at it) by re-gifting stuff and sending us stuff that we gave you. I once received a stuffed pig from a relative which upon closer scrutiny was the stuffed pig I gave her kid the year before. The gift even has the same tensil and wrapping paper. GRRR!
5. Humbugs. I have friends who don’t celebrate Christmas at all. And I know of people from different faiths who don’t believe in Christ (they celebrate Chanukah instead, or stuff like that). But, please don’t be such cheap a-holes you wouldn’t pay the requisite 13th month pay because, well, you don’t celebrate the season. It’s one thing not to believe in God, it’s another to actually exploit people. So, cough up the dough already!
Have a blessed Christmas everybody!
Note: Cartoon Courtesy of Flickr
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